Castle Fans Gifts

Senior Adviser Sight Test Chart

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"He's his own worst enemy."

"Early model of baggage claim"

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

Birds doing the 'wave'.

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

Fairytale prince and princess

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

Football supporters.

"Today we're going to talk about lowering the drawbridge."

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

"I said hot, boiling oil! Not cold, refreshing milk!"

"It's the battering classes"

Beware of the Dragon

"And to think he started in accounting."

"No, you don't need to slay a dragon or go on a quest to prove your love to me. I just want you to keep your castle a hell of a lot cleaner."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

"Friend or foe?"

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."