Castle Captives Gifts

"Move along. We're practicing social distancing here."

In basket-case.

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Man is caught swimming on an inflable float in a moat by the knights.

"De l'huile bouillante, pas du fromage fondu!"

Medieval headlines.

'So far we're holding off overseas competition.'

"Today we're going to talk about lowering the drawbridge."

Man in a Tuxedo

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

'Your task will be to save the castle from catapulted rocks.'

"Why can't you bring me a rodent like a normal cat?"

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

'HEY,no Tongue!'

Christmas Tree Lights

Miniature Golf.

"Must be the life to work in a castle. You get paid by a rich king and you don’t have to go through every shift smelling elephant butt."

Fish king swimming around his bowl!

Tourism invites money (drawbridge with pound sign).

"Why is humor your only defense mechanism?"

'Honey, I just ran into the store. Did you need me to pick anything up while I'm here?'

'That's one of our fortified wines.'

Not a happy camper.

"It's the moat Sire, everyone's just hanging out in it."

Fishbowl Vampire Castle

'Look at that spread. Some fish have it so good.'

'I'm looking for a kingdom that is a fixer-upper.'

"Sorry, Dad, but it's time to consider a retirement kingdom."

'I totally baby-proofed the house while you were out!'

'Well, great, now the Hendersons have TV and aluminum siding, and we're still stuck with this dumb castle.'

Gas, water, and electricity being brought to a house through hoses.

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

"Marilyn Johnson does so like me! She's even got a pet name for me...she calls me a dweeb!"

Early Battering Rams