Casino Fan Gifts

Viva Las Vegas.

A tortoise walks away from a poker game, having lost its shell.

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

Hay Rides $10

Peel poker.

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

Dog in casino.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

Slug roulette

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

'It's a penny slot--give me a hundred.'

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

Destination casinos...

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

'I need to find a loose machine like that.'

Tonto Casino.

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"

Roller Coasters

"They said whatever you left in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas."

'Hey, look�The carnival must be in town'

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

Have you seen my iPhone? No. You lost it? I may have misplaced it. Big deal. You hate it. It'll turn up. Exactly, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I especially hate the Scrabble app and I absolutely can't wait to find the phone so I can mock it further! Help: I love my iPhone. Oh dear. Trouble brewing. To be continued ...

Visit Las Vegas! The city that never sleeps' ot even takes a nap!: 'Because of competition, they had to raise the ante!'

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'The only thing better than being comped an '83 Amarone, is having a girlfriend who isn't a wine drinker.'

'Which way to the 'Waterworld' exhibit?'