Cashew Brittle Gifts

"Jack and I have learned to accept each other's idiosyncrasies, like my passion for cashew brittle, and his going out every night and not coming home until dawn."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

'it's the last bite that worries me.'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

'He left me McDonald's coupon's for a tip.'

'Now that should make it a lot easier.'

'Mom, I think the baby just downloaded.'

"I do diet...between snacks."

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

"By the time I count to 10, you'd better be doing your math homework!"

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

"I don’t know if this is just the cashews talking, but I find you absolutely delightful."

"Bring me a tit, and make it snappy."

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

"For my profile I'll be talking about the science you...but what about the fun you?"

"I'm head over heels about you."

Computer clown.

Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast.

'I thought I'd copy my C.V. while the boss is out of the office!'

'You're right, there's nothing in the rules against it.'

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

Man trying to decide from way too many cashew options.

"Gracie, you can't leave Animal Crackers all over the place!"

I Will Not Chew My Pencil

'I like regular books better than ebooks. Ebooks don't have a summary on the book jacket that you can copy.'

'Hear that? This calls for a major readjustment of your bank account.'

'Just get us the house plonk, matey - we're litre louts,'

'Yuck! Take it away.'

Schoolboy lighting cigar from headmasters cigar.

F**k Off