Cash-conscious Chuckles Gifts

"Will this be cash or consumer debt?"

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

'This is what I call the ultimate in money laundering.'

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

'Before I give you the bill,do you suffer from heart trouble, high blood pressure,or sudden shock syndrome?'

'Put this hundred dollar bill under his nose and he'll come around!'

'Do I need a pin number to make a withdrawal?'

Say it with flowers.

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"Your total is $10.97 and this is only $6."

FIRST NATIONAL, TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'Joey, I'm taking you out of tobacco company stocks, and putting you into medical marijuana futures.'

'I think my parents are feeling the pinch of college tuition. They're talking about return on investment.'

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

"The shop was so quiet I could hear your overdraft growing."

'Looking for a quickie sir?'

Any more rude letters from you and yours won't even go into the shuffle.

"I did warn you about the after effects."

"I was going to text you that you'v lost all your retirement savings, but there isn't an emoji for that."

Melvin couldn't afford a crown for his tooth so he got what he could with twenty bucks.

'Thanks Clyde for an entertaining evening. The forty nine cent hamburger and the ten cent tip will long live in my memory.'

Mobile Bills

"Well, you wouldn't tell me how much you earned, so I didn't tell you how much I spent!"

"I'm afraid our credit department has turned you down!"

'Walter doesn't trust banks.'

"Brian refuses to give in to inflationary pressures."

"First the good news. You'll never have to worry about identity theft."