Carry-on Strategist Pillows

“Now that you’ve stayed up all night trying to cram everything you need into a carry-on, and now that you’ve reconciled with the fact that your hair dryer had to stay behind, and now that you’ve frantically rushed through the airport with your cumbersome luggage in tow and made it through security and to the gate just in the nick of time, we’re going to make you check your bag anyway. Don’t worry, though — it’s complimentary.”

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Chez Nous Menu

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Little league world series of poker.

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

To do before Saturday...

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Jeff's Smorgasbord

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

"This trip, we'd like to go everywhere our luggage goes."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"I'd pack light if it wasn't for the shoes."

'Good to know my whole social life hasn't been a complete waste.'

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

Protein Powder Irony

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

Holiday Luggage

"At these prices, what do you expect?"

'Can we move the beef jerky a smidge and display our organic cleanser?'

'There you go, Jack, I saved you some space.'

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'She's on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around she's eating something.'

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

"Guac-A-Mole"