Carry-on Champ Gifts

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Dad Trophies

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

Your Guide to Winning Movember

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

The birth of junk mail.

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

Make up your mind. Next exit 500 miles.

'I know that's what your father calls it, Sweetheart...but a nicer word for it is fertilizer!'

'Are we having fun yet?'

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

Schrodinger's kittens

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

Cardboard, Paper, Comics.

I'm no longer welcome at the county fair.

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

"Leftover seeds."

Stock Wanted

'Are you folks ready to take THIS ice bucket challenge?'

"What setting do I use for this?"

"When I finally got my own car, I never drove over the speed limit."

"I'll have a double entendre."

'It's $15 to check a bag and $25 if you want it to arrive at your destination.'

'In the old days we used charcoal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'

"Sure I won the spelling bee contest, but since everyone has spell check, no one cares!"

"I think what I love most about you are your causes."

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

'Christmas Splash Charity: Fancy Dress Swim.'

Ant Farm Concert

'Little more work needed on your braking Mr Smith!'

"On the day after Christmas, lots of families celebrate Boxing Day... They box up things they don't need anymore and give them to charity."

Recyclable Coffins

“Now that you’ve stayed up all night trying to cram everything you need into a carry-on, and now that you’ve reconciled with the fact that your hair dryer had to stay behind, and now that you’ve frantically rushed through the airport with your cumbersome luggage in tow and made it through security and to the gate just in the nick of time, we’re going to make you check your bag anyway. Don’t worry, though — it’s complimentary.”

"There's a man at the door collecting for Jesus...."

"This is a stick-up. Please give generously."