Carpool Comedian T-Shirts

Clown Car Lane: 10 or More

'Nope. He doesn't qualify you for the carpool lane.'

"This car sharing scheme is great, I'II try to get it back to you in a month or so."

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

I drive, therefore I am.

Lady to angler whose line is snagged: 'You would manage to get your line caught in the one tree in this entire massive lake.'

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

Lane restricted to cars with three or more persons at least one of whom is a woman or visible minority.

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

"We live in the desert. What did you think I meant when I said it'd be a nice day to go boating?"

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

"You car pool guys will be going down together for x-rays."

Many clowns in rowboat

Pine tree driving a truck with a human-shaped air freshener hanging off the mirror

'Do you remember what make of car it was, sir? -- We'll have to order parts.'

'I swear this self driving car is falsifying it's records to avoid an insurance rate hike."

'Another day, another dollar.'

Traffic sign: Right lane ends - Merge into oncoming traffic.

'Yes, this is romantic, but that's not why I chose this. Gas prices are up, and i can't afford dinner, movie and gas for my car.'

Man crashes his car before leaving the driveway because he forgot his glasses.

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

'I don't need a computer to tell me I failed to fasten my seat belt or release the emergency brake.'

'They all work from home now, but still get together for carpool reunions.'

'Why do they call it the school RUN Mummy?'

Clown car lane: 10 or more.

'Sorry, Mary. We know you won the lottery and quit, but we still need you to drive with us we so can use the car pool lane.'

'Lots of people have longer commutes than you.'

"Don't worry. The mechanic says he can fix the car as soon as he gets it out of the wall."

My other dog is a golden retriever

Let Go and Let God

'Hi, is this the commuting 'bus'?'