Carpentry Aficionado Pillows

Union and Non-Union Carpenter Ants.

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

Jack of all trades

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

Don't let the woodcutters get too close or they'll make a fuel out of you!

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Arts and crafts

'Where do I put the batteries?'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

D.I.Y

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

"I don't need a lecture Dad, I know all I need to know from the online tutorials of @DamKing61, @HotDam72 and @DamEasy27. . ."

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

Guide to Carpentry Fish

"So, how did the audition go?" "Great! I really nailed it."

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Whittler's Mother.

Posh Easter Egg

The Sculptor

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

"She's a natural!"

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'I need a hive with 50,000 bedrooms.'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'