Carpentry Aficionado Mugs

Union and Non-Union Carpenter Ants.

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

Jack of all trades

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'Where do I put the batteries?'

Arts and crafts

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

D.I.Y

"I don't need a lecture Dad, I know all I need to know from the online tutorials of @DamKing61, @HotDam72 and @DamEasy27. . ."

Guide to Carpentry Fish

"So, how did the audition go?" "Great! I really nailed it."

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Whittler's Mother.

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

"She's a natural!"

The Sculptor

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

Posh Easter Egg

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

'I need a hive with 50,000 bedrooms.'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.