Carp Conspirator T-Shirts

'If you were a carp where would you go?'

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Are you going to the paper-shredding after?"

'The infrared reading is negative: It's only a scarecrow... Let's go...'

Model Stealth Bomber.

"After you read the menu, eat it."

'..And just how long have you two been secretly married?'

'Admit it, Crawford, this fish was already dead when you caught it!'

"It's a lot easier to throw someone under the bus when you have the app."

Snowman Murder

"Relax, dear. I'm sure all lunatic fringe conspiracy theorists occasionally suffer from writer's block."

'Dad, cut out the middle man, Santa and get me the toys from behind the wardrobe.'

'Sign this non-disclosure agreement ? I'm going to use a secret recipe.'

Clearly, this pair were planning on getting up to something...

"It's the standard contract. . . with just enough loopholes to cover us!"

"I'm from the president's office. We want you to develop a truth drug."

'Look, no matter what happens, if anybody asks, I was here with you the whole night.'

"It would be cool if we cooked up a couple of these at your place where nobody could see us."

Observe, Prepare, Act

"Here's some money and a passport. They'll be looking for you so head to to the border and good luck."

Courtroom Happy Hour 4 pm - 6 pm.

Thief picks pocket of opera singer. Sign reads: 'Warning ? Thieves operating in this aria.'

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling

"He's almost finished raking. Everyone jump in three... two... one..."

Evil Pusskins#4

They trained him to play dead. I think it's some sort of insurance scam!

"When you were in the kitchen, we voted for no more spinach or broccoli!"

We have your dog

'The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach.' 'AND it doesn't show up in the autopsy.'

The long lasting cover-up...

"I brought you here to thwart the surveillance team's lip readers, Johnny, not to entertain us with your stupid act."

'Is it true that you people give tax breaks for minority-owned businesses?'

Deep in the forests of Surrey lurk a few hardcore souls refusing to believe the Diana enquiry is over.