Carefree Homemaker Gifts

Bad Housekeeping: The Magazine For Women Who Couldn't Care Less

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

On Valentine's Day, sometimes you don't need cards, candy or flowers from the ones who love you.

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

Modern Parents

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'Dress it up any way you want, it's still just doing laundry.'

'Someday I hope he grows up into a sports bottle...just like his father.'

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

'There's something you should know about washable wallpaper,pet!'

"I'm running a loose ship."

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

Jesus swept.

"Yes, our dishwasher is a smart appliance. But, you still have to actually put the dishes in it."

Witches in kitchen, sign for man says 'Your dinner's in the coven'.

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

"Finally, something I know I'll finish."

"I figured one of us should use it!"

"It's a text from my microwave...leftovers for dinner again tonight."

Wallpapering.

"It's the latest thing. A solar energy dryer."

Swiss Army Wife

Cook and PC

Feng Shui

'No, the woman of the house is at work. May I help you?'

"Hey! 'Made in U.S.A.'!"

'Hope I'm not catching you with a bird in the bath, Harold?'

'For the instant mashed potatoes, the heat and serve puddings, the canned cranberry sauce, the defrost and serve pumpkin pie and the delivered roast turkey, we are truly thankful.'

"It was cute when the cat just played with a ball of wool, but this is getting out of hand!"

'This one is a dieter's dream! Any visits to it between meals and it self destructs!'

'Show a little appreciation. Your mother slaved over a hot microwave to make this meal.'

Breakfast in Bed for Housewife

Beaver cleaning a carpet.