Career-driven Professionals Gifts

Run, Mike, Run!

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

Do you have any other skills?

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"Remember when everyone told you this job would lead you nowhere? Well, you've arrived!"

"Yes, I'm sure you do deserve further career advancement. But if I promote you again you'll have my job!"

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"It's a GPS for busy executive mom. It tells you if your coming or going and when you'll get there!"

"The itsy-bitsy spider went up the corporate ladder. And he didn't care how many lives he ruined along the way. I know, this isn't the book Simon & Schuster wants. But it's the damn truth."

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

'So, then.... you don't LIKE life in the fast lane?'

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"Have a career, and then if you want to try acting, you'll have my blessing."

"You're great at hindsight, but we need someone who is more forward looking!"

"Fellow M.B.A. graduates of the Class of '91—hey, what can I say?"

'My father's recipe for success was honesty and hard-work - luckily, I ignored it.'

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"I recently upgraded my resume-writing software."

"While we're protecting like hell against brain-drain, they come in and raid all our brown-noses!"

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

"I may be wrong, but i suspect he is already grooming his successor."

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."