Career-driven Gifts

"Don't come home till that bag is full of money."

'You have a girlfriend!'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

37 years in the same position.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

Between Offices

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"....how many kids have we got now?"

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

Working 9 to 5.

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'