Career Comedies Pillows

"I went to a very special school. You had to be sent there by a judge."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'I went into hunting and gathering. And you?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'