Career Champion Pillows

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

Businesswoman Empowerment

"I want to make it before I hit thirty."

Alarmistclock

"I've finally arrived. The C.E.O. stopped saying 'who the hell are you' whenever he sees me."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"That's a very good suggestion, perhaps one of the men would like to make it?"

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

"Did I hear you use the phrase 'Earn my keep'?"

"I'm transferring you to our new Asian affiliate, Hawkins. It'll be a great Korea move for you."

"Are we afraid of a little competition? Based on the figures, absolutely."

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

Kicking Butt Since 1998

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

That's what I call a well trained dog!!

'You aren't actually being replaced by a woman she's going to be doing her old job and yours.'

"I graduated magna cum student loan, so I'll need a big starting salary."

'My mother made me apply.'

'On the plus side, casino-style operations make it easier for women to break into investment banking.'

'What about short-term? Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'I want to thank all my obstacles for making this possible.'

"Not hired?! But I got A's in all my classes!"

"You think I can be an assistant manager?"

'As if I didn't already have enough cleaning and sewing to do, the big galoot goes and invents COOKING!'

Careers Advice

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

Rex grits his teeth, puts on his big boy pantaloons and gears up for the day ahead.

'We have an opening for a part-time intern, which could lead to a full-time unpaid internship.'

'It doesn't contain anything that'll help you find a job.'

"While your resumé said one thing it's come to our attention that labradors actually shed quite a bit."

Protest sign editors: 'End Layoff Now!'

"It wouldn't have come to this if you just emptied your pockets on laundry day."

'The thing I liked best about being an amateur is that the other guy was an amateur too!'