Career Champion Gifts

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

Businesswoman Empowerment

"I want to make it before I hit thirty."

Alarmistclock

"I've finally arrived. The C.E.O. stopped saying 'who the hell are you' whenever he sees me."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"That's a very good suggestion, perhaps one of the men would like to make it?"

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

"Did I hear you use the phrase 'Earn my keep'?"

"I'm transferring you to our new Asian affiliate, Hawkins. It'll be a great Korea move for you."

"Are we afraid of a little competition? Based on the figures, absolutely."

Welcome to MOMtana

'He's won an exotic holiday to Easter Island and it's gone straight to his head.'

'I may not have the skills or education for this position, but I do understand the cartoons in the The New Yorker.'

Kicking Butt Since 1998

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

That's what I call a well trained dog!!

'You aren't actually being replaced by a woman she's going to be doing her old job and yours.'

"I graduated magna cum student loan, so I'll need a big starting salary."

'On the plus side, casino-style operations make it easier for women to break into investment banking.'

'My mother made me apply.'

'I want to thank all my obstacles for making this possible.'

'What about short-term? Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'As if I didn't already have enough cleaning and sewing to do, the big galoot goes and invents COOKING!'

The future Muhammad Ali about to be conceived.

"You think I can be an assistant manager?"

Careers Advice

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

"Not hired?! But I got A's in all my classes!"

Rex grits his teeth, puts on his big boy pantaloons and gears up for the day ahead.

'We have an opening for a part-time intern, which could lead to a full-time unpaid internship.'

'It doesn't contain anything that'll help you find a job.'

"While your resumé said one thing it's come to our attention that labradors actually shed quite a bit."