Career Advisors Pillows

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

'Let me guess - You want to be a helicopter pilot?'

'Don't give up the day job...'

"Baldo, have you given any thought to your future?"

'I'm sure you are proud of being a world record holder. But having 7,935 different employers in one month isn't something I'd put on my resume.'

"First impressions are important. Maybe you should sharpen yourself before the interview."

"Laid off! I knew I shouldn't have chosen to be a gathering!"

"So I take it that having your head cryogenically frozen accounts for the thirty-five year gap in employment?"

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."

Erm! I'm afraid that 53 months drinking,dancing and selling dodgy timeshares isn't the kind of summer holiday experience the major banks are looking for!

'I'm sorry, but we're looking for a seasoned veteran.'

'Basically your career choices are death, or ironic self-parody.'

Snotty MBAs

'Are you able to adapt to unusual situations?'

"Can you dance?"

Employment Agency - Closed.

"What qualifies you to be a sock puppet?"

"Staff support"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Do you have any other skills?

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."