Career Advisor Pillows

Need a little help with your career planning?

"Based on your resume you're not really qualified for the job...but there's just something about you I like!"

"At the moment I'm torn between the emotionally rewarding but poorly resourced role of a social worker or a more intellectualy rigorous career in quantum physics."

'I want to go out of town so that I can become a fully independent person, but near enough so that I can bring my laundry home.'

"I see...and any ideas other than Supreme Leader of the Universe?"

'Looks like your spell check was turned off when you prepared your resume.'

'Take my word for it, this looks like a good career move.'

A good place in the queue.

'A clown? What makes you think you could be a clown?'

'So...where do you see yourself in 5 minutes time?'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I'd like one of those careers where you make a six-figure income while wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants."

What to disclose at a job interview

"Even though you're exceptionally well qualified, Kate, I'd say that 'victim' is not a good career choice."

'See, Baldwin? It's all about finding your niche.'

Wiseguys/Smartasses/Eggheads/Smarty Pants

Ladder of success"...Perhaps, you'd like our economy model."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Always remember that the most competent person is the person who can hide his incompetence best.'

'Of course I know the difference between right and wrong! Wrong pays better!'

"Use your head, follow your heart and go with your gut."

'So, Freddie, the moral of my story is business ethics are nice, but a successful man knows when to flex.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"I'm afraid a certificate of hard knocks from the university of life wont get you a job in computers these days."

'I'm looking for a temp job to fill the gap between my indictment and incarceration.'

"You're overqualified. Could you dumb it down a little?"

"The job will demand a touch of crazy, but no experience is necessary...we'll train you!"

"I have to quit for health reasons. I'm sick of working here."

Decision time

'I'd like a job as a job creator so I can create an easy, high paying job for myself.'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

Careers advice centre

Aptitude tests point to a job in the wine industry for a young man with huge feet.

'Old boy' tells black woman at interview: 'We fully embrace diversity here - we even have a chap who didn't go to Eton.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'