Career Adviser Pillows

'...it may be advisable to think of a referee other than your mother.'

'No, an aptitude test is not a test on your cell phone apps knowledge.'

'I thought I'd put in the details later.'

"Have you given any thought at all about where you might like to accrue your student loan debt?"

"My main goal in life is taking laziness to an insane new height."

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'

'You want to be rich and famous? You want book contracts and you want Hollywood to make a film of your life? Well, become a serial killer!'

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'To achieve anything you must start at the bottom and work upwards.'

'Follow your dreams unless of course, it involves dropping out of school to join a rock band.'

'I want to train to be the Grim Reaper.'

'My career goals? Writing political attack ads would combine my love of blogging and bullying.'

'...but according to your DNA, you'd be much better at smelting.'

"Well, besides 'being famous for being famous'... what life goals do you have?"

'You'd have to work your way up to becoming a spy, maybe get some tinkering experience first ...'

'You're looking for an eventful job where you can meet many interesting people? Hm, how about undertaker or Mafia killer?'

'I chose accountancy because it was the first thing I came across in the dictionary that I could do, being an Aardvark was too difficult!'

'Your best bet, Ralph, is to win the lottery...'

"There are two opportunities available; Pharaoh's physician, or Pharaoh's slave. If I were you, I'd go with the slave option, the working conditions are much better."

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

'As a matter of fact, my sex ed teacher was also my guidance counselor.'

'If you can't learn how to do it well, learn how to enjoy doing it poorly.'

"You're buggered."

"If you're planning to run for public office, 'a man of conviction' sounds better than 'prison parolee'."

"When I grow up, I want to be a builder."

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"We realize you do better on your I.Q. tests than you do on anything else, but you just cannot major in I.Q."

Career options for fleas were limited.

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

"No, no - I said, what are your goals in life!"

"I thought I would put in the details later."

"And without shaking yourself, where do you see yourself in five years?"

'Kids, if I'd gotten into computers, instead of baseball, I'd have a job now!'

'Posting a song on the internet and becoming a global singing phenomenon is certainly an option, but you might like to consider focussing on your GCSE's as a back-up!'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"