Card Store Employee Gifts

"Do you have a get the hell back to work card?"

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Sale! Weed Whackers

"No, kid, we don't call these 'attachment icons.' We call them paperclips."

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

Hand sanitizer

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

National Coffee Day

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'I'm a purist. I don't take anything in my Vanilla Mocha Dulce Latte.'

'Once again, I fold.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

How much would you take off for cash?

Men's Prayer Group.

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

"That's closer to the shade of taupe I want, but it's still not quite right!"

'The good news is I'm down to one latte a day.'

'Another hit?' 'I'll stay.'

'Look, we have 7 and we have 5 . . . I make that 75 �' the number of your house!'

'I detect you scanning my cards!'

"Lights...Camera...No Action...The Flaw in 'Celebrity Solitaire'"

'Is this the blues section?'

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

"This fundamentally changes everything we know about elephants!"

'This must be the work clothes section.'

What really happens inside an automatic shuffler.

Printing Room

Pork Lift

"Can you make me a tall Tazo chai latte with soy milk?" Bartleby, the soon-to-be-unemployed barista.

Republicans have me feeling reflective about capitalism, in a good way. Uh, oh. You've been with the company 20 years. I appreciate that kind of loyalty. I just want you to know that. Thanks. It also makes me realize that you have few other job options and thus are more or less subject to my whims regarding pay and benefits. Okay, pep talk over. Enjoy your day. Hang on, I could maybe possibly get a job at Coffee King!