Card Critic Pillows

'I need a card that apologizes for not caring enough to send anything more than a card.'

'How about a game of cards?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

Expensive greeting cards.

"This computer program is very intuitive. It automatically calls me when you do something stupid."

Cards, Missing You, Missing Ewe (a ram looking for a card for his loved one),

'I'm looking for something that says 'I love you' without getting too personal.'

'To much orange.'

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

The Peacock Is Not Renowned For His Bluffing Abilities

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

'Is it me or do these new led street lights wash out the reds and yellows?'

'I've got a really important meeting today, so give me something that will get me so drunk no one will want to mess with me.'

Greetings!

'Is this the Lonely Hearts Club?'

Barrett - rushed majority

'Take us out to the ball game, take us out with the crowd, buy us some peanuts and crackerjacks, we don't care if never get back...'

Work stress.

Valentines for Things

'First, you have to admit you have a gambling problem!'

"It's off-white, but a little too off. It may get very tiring. What do you think?"

'Remember how we used to put stuff on layaway?'

Killing time, and vice versa....

Diamond Geezer.

Mother's Day cards

"THREE quid for a romantic verse? Don't you have any snappy one liners for 50p.?"

"I'm the ghost of christmas past due."