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Clarkson's front room.

US v.s. Tech Giants

'No, don't tell me, your electric garage door is broken.'

The less popular 'Even Smarter Car'.

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"Today stocks hit a new high, just as global doom and gloom hit a new low."

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

Jeremy Clarkson.

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

August is corporate earnings restatement season.

US economy outperforms Europe.

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

'Today, stocks dropped on the rumor that 'down' is the new 'up'.'

'Nice smile.'

"I understand your feelings, dear, but don't you think that Jane Pauley would just as soon see you keep your strength up?"

Jewellers - Show her you love her.

What Hi-fi. What Camera. What Car.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'Greenspan said today the alert status for possible interest rate changes has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

Damning report claims that CEO's are overpaid for under-performance.

'Apparently she looks stunning naked'

'Today's IPO announcement left market observers Google-eyed.'

"This is Sally Whitgart on TV -- We now switch you to Bart Fribledale on the Internet...."

Morgue for Dot Com Stocks

'But enough about the dollar . . . lets talk about the Chinese Yuan and Indian Rupee . . . '

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'In a dramatic reversal, economists now believe that leading economic indicators are now lagging economic indicators.'

"I won't go near one of those driver-less things until they iron out the bugs."

The Photographer