Car Enthusiast's Nightmare Gifts

Year of the Seagull: Scarecrow on car's top losing it's battle in chasing gulls away

"Google car."

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

Roads with a view.

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

Pump up a tire/Pump up a jam

Talking car "Are we there yet?"

"I'd like to give you a break, but we did have you doing a hundred and eighty-six thousand miles a second on the radar."

Cars at the drive in.

'And that's not all, everyone in the audience today is going home with a brand new Buick!!! Oh wait...That's next Tuesday.'

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

'It's time for us to end this drought! You wash the cars and I'll go to the hairdresser.'

It started with a giggling sound in the suspension, then a noise in the ventilator, and then...

Driver test: Clown's big feet create challenge

What's that? A car phone. All I need now is a car.

A dog drives a car while a man has two broken arms.

'Yes, there has been a merger... but not the one I'd hoped for.'

'It is fuel efficient, but my ego feels crunched.'

'And then, in a hideous metallic voice it growled...'

F1 drivers saluting a checkered flag

'There are 12 in my family. Do you have anything smaller?'

"Do you have someone to drive you home after your surgery? My car's in the shop and I could really use a ride."

Fred developed a hybrid-hybrid bio-diesel car.

'Any chance of making this a 'catch and release', officer?'

'Power steering.'

'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'

'I hope you don't mind carpooling.'

This guy's wife got a second job to buy him a fresh pair of spoke rims for his 1959 Impala. Talk about true love."

"It's weird...for some reason, all I could think about today was cars."

Ernie, you're still not being honest in the ad for the cars you're selling! Many of these were abandoned! That's why I say "driverless cars"! And lighting torched this one! Making it a type of "electric car." This was totally trashed when taken for a joyride! So I was accurate when I called it a "recreational vehicle." And the limo - It gets 5 MPG, but you say it gets over 20MPG! That's why I also say "It's a stretch"!

Roadie

What's in your back seat? Nothing. There's paper everywhere, and dirty clothes, and something that smells like a drunk threw up and then rolled around in it. That looks like ancient cheese. Introducing: The flaw. You haven't cleaned this since the '90s. Big whoop.

"Wanting traffic to slow down, we don't post pothole warning signs."