Car Company Executive Gifts

"If cars are to go all electric by 2035 we have to make a few compromises."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

Downsizing.

Oh no ... Outsourcing

I didn't want to become the company president, but the board of directors left me no choice. You were backed into a corner office.

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

General Motors.

'And this is where we all suddenly started getting bad vibes.'

"We're waiting to see if he'll see his shadow."

'After months of analysing, we found out how to stop your downgoing profits: just find more customers who want to buy your products.'

"We're having a lot of trouble with this model, sir - it's lasting indefinitely."

'No wonder we're losing money! --This organizational chart is upside down!'

"I may be a dinosaur, sir, but I am the Tyrannosaurus Rex!"

'We believe in having a very specialised team. Watkins here for example provides all our human error.'

The sea of heartbreak.

'The incorporation of the name of Cit-Bolon-Turn the God of Healing into your logo will resonate with everyone who has even the faintest knowledge of Mayan religious nomenclature!'

'We do a little hiring and a little firing, and between you and me, I enjoy the firing more.'