Caption Enthusiast Pillows

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

"I love closed caption. I can watch the movie but feel like I've read the book!"

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

Billy. The Kid.

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

'Being a superhero doesn't mean that everything about me is super you know!'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

"You're my Mona Lisa."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

Framed Lady

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

Spiro & Pusho and the Scavenger.

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Diego Velasquez

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'If I wasn't meant to destroy the world, God wouldn't have created me with atomic blasters instead of hands.'

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."