Captain Cranky Cultivator T-Shirts

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Captain in a storm

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

Welsh airport arrivals.

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

Verbal Orders

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

Watering the garden in the rain.

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

"Get those decks cleaned you swabs!..."

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

"This is their way of reminding us how we're losing our best hope for Olympic Gold."

'I told you we should have unionized.'

"Wait...Did I Say 'North'?"

'Well, we still think you're a naughty boy, running away to sea like that!'

'So it's true that dolphins help navigate.'

"Sorry, Captain, but we have to let you go. You just lack leader-ship skills."