Canteen Navigator Gifts

"God, if you can help me find a seat by my friends, I'll listen to my teachers, do my homework and clean my room..."

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

Daisy Diaper Service

"You have arrived at your destination."

"He's a fussy eater."

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'You're in trouble. Your confidential memo went toxic and so did that tuna salad.'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

"Did you accidentally put the DVD of 'Taxi Driver' in her 'Wheels on the Bus' case?"

There was nothing Colin liked to do more than to settle down with a snack and watch slimming advertisements on the television...

"You have reached your destination (for the 4th time tonight, I might I add?)"

Baby's high fibre diet

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'My wife says it's compulsory - that the Queen made a speech about it.'

Easy Course

'If I were you I wouldn't eat this on an empty stomach.'

"I mean, just look at us! We've been genetically mortified!"

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

"Honey, I can’t find it … they have too many Greek yogurts. No, I’m not crying!"

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

"Judging by all the dishes, you have forgotten where the kitchen is. So, I programmed this GPS for you."

Supermarket Traffic

Time sure flies by.

I've changed my mind about the soup of the month.

Supermarket traffic lights.

'I always take my lunch on fish stick day.'

'Two chicken lip toasties and three salmon leg baguettes...I'm guessing you're a new apprentice.'

'Soup of the day.' 'Cream of Monday.'

'Any chance of utilising the Global Positioning System to forecast the length of the canteen queues?'

Cable Hell.

Man Walking on a Maze's Walls.

'Get forensic to check this ham sandwich is dead.'

Baldo's Life is Sweet Moment: Not getting the last serving of your tia's lengua casserole.

Cops special dessert.