Cannibalism Satire Lover Gifts

Classy joint...

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

Vampire on a plane

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

Hi again

"Wait! First, his attorney."

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

"I can't. You told him he could date after you came here."

Hannibal Becomes More Conciliatory.

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

"These should help me approach your father on his own level."

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

"Something I ate disagreed with me." "What did you eat?" "Ibuku. He disagreed with me."

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"I've got nothing on for the next few months, do you fancy sex?"

"User name and password?"

Angels watch hell on a flatscreen.

"It's tough, but their right to keep and bear arms must not be infringed."

"Separate clouds, please."

Hell's Smoking Section

'Don't start with that werewolf baloney, Jake... there ain't even a moon out tonight.'

Death with a strimmer (weed whacker)

"Ah, I'd give it a few minutes, pal. Maybe light a match."

"Do you Death, take this woman until life do you part?"

"I've been hearing some disturbing things about you, Higgins."

'I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable with signing a long term lease.'

Thanksgiving Dinners: (Turkey/Ham/Corned Beef/Children Under 5) 'They're eating their own now!'

"Permission to smoke Lucrezia?"

'Honey, I brought the boss home for dinner!'

'Could you be a little more specific than angel food?'

Man in a Chain Gang has a Peg Leg.

Eclipse...the super lunacy continues...

'I hate it when you beg.'

Smoking is Achilles' other weakness.