Canine Epicurean Gifts

Man reading dog food can: Contains beef and beef by-products.

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

Michel Roux Jr

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Paul Bocuse caricature

"Call this cordon bleu?"

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

How to injury yourself as an adult

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

"Do you have a strain that pairs well with Chunky Monkey?"

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'Now, if you can get them when they're still in the clamshell, their adrenalin is way higher which enhances the taste. In fact, here comes one right now!'

"What's good here?"

"Wow - good job!"