Canine Cynic Pillows

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

The Forever Stamp

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Famous Oxymorons...

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Obama builds own gallows.

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"I've given him your message. If you'll just take a seat, he'll be out in a moment with his hands up."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

Born Cynical,,,,

"Where's that special cartridge we use to print campaign promises...the one with disappearing ink?"

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."