Canine Cuisine Critiquer Pillows

-'God that looks disgusting.' -'You're telling me.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

Dog Chow Mein

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

"We need to put in more bones."

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

Four Star Meal

Taste of the east (London).

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

Posh dog views expensive food and wine.

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

"Could we have a doggy bag please?"

'I'm starved. Instead of a fly in my soup, make it a mouse.'

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."