Canine Confidant Gifts

"Your love gives me strength."

"Hey there – sorry to disturb you, but if you have a few minutes we'd like to talk with you about your barking."

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"Well, I still don't believe you're a bad dog. I think you're just searching for something. A lost bone perhaps."

'There are just some things I'd rather not say in front of the dog.'

'The man at the shelter promised he doesn't bark at all.'

"No, I'm not faking it, I'm really happy when they come home."

"Sometimes, when I'm upset with her, I'll have a 'quote; accident 'unquote'."

"After he got his cell phone, I'm only his second-best friend!"

'Mine is a symptom of my need to express affection without forming a serious emotional bond.' 'And mine is a symptom of my lack of self-confidence and my desire to have a symbol representing what I wish to be like.'

Personal Assistants.

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

'My wife doesn't understand us.'

"Do you mind looking away, I can't go if I'm being watched."

"Glen, I'm not just your editor. I'm also your best friend, and I'm telling you, lose the cat."

"'Bad dog, bad dog,' she said. 'We should have gotten a cat."

'My best friend snarled at me this morning!'

"I'm not sure if my name is sit, stay, or get off the couch!"

He's almost human.

Spa Dog

Dog with sign at pet shop - 'Has Fleas'.

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"George and I are getting a divorce, so we're dividing up our things. Keith, I got you."

'How nice of you to drop in, and with Snookums, too.'

'My Master's changed job and become a postman: I am so distraught...'

'You poor dumb animal, all you know is eat and sleep.'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

'How do I tell him he's no longer my best friend?'

"He likes to say I'm trained, but I'm really just humoring him."

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"A man's best friend wouldn't poop on the carpet!"

'I always keep him on a leash when I take him for a walk...'

"On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?"

'Okay, I promise I won't shout at you, because you're on the couch.'

"But how do you KNOW they'll come back for us..??"