Canine Chaos Manager T-Shirts

"Hello, Sainsbury's? Do you sell dog food for very naughty puppies? No? Well, I certainly don't blame you. Thank you, Sainsbury's, and goodbye."

"Down."

"Who let the dog get into the chocolate?"

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

Stockwell's day

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'Anthony! And all over my new carpet! Bad cat! Bad cat!'

Dog Day Afternoon

Caution: use only under child supervison

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

"We need to channel his energy into something positive."

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

A child and his dog

Turn Down For What.

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

I know it's you that's been digging up my garden. I certainly didn't put those rose bushes in.

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

Businessman with novelty in and out baskets.

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

"I'm running late for totally dignified reasons."