Candy Strategist Pillows

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

Kids in spooky costumes doing trick or treat

Chez Nous Menu

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Little league world series of poker.

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

To do before Saturday...

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

Jeff's Smorgasbord

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

"Take a pill in the morning, in the afternoon and at night."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"We gotta find a way to increase our Halloween candy."

Making healthy eating bearable.

'There's no mention of stuffing. Keep going until you get to the sugar and spice.'

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

'If I promise to be good for the next 30 years, can I have some sweets Dad?'

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

Bored Baker

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

'Can we move the beef jerky a smidge and display our organic cleanser?'

'She's on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around she's eating something.'

"Med Brittle"

"Not sure if I'm hungry or bored."

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"