Candor Critic Mugs

"Tighten the bolts and slap some more boilerplate on this report, Mike. It's got candor leaking out in a dozen places!"

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"My kid could do that."

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

"Med Brittle"

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

Focus Groupies

"I got horse dewormer..."

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

"That was a boring field trip."

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"Let's see if there's another witch's cottage with a better candy selection."

Candy Land for Adults

"Excellent choice, our double mocha fudge supreme has never been linked to a serious injury or fatality."

'I hate chocolates that are gooey inside but I love Valentine's cards that are all gooey inside.'

Trump dries his hair with hot air

"Ewww – Cabernet with tuna fish?"

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

Judgeasaurus