Cancer Survivor Gifts

Lance Armstrong.

"Our war is against cancer."

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

Barbeque Casualty.

Evil Exams!

'Time for your pills.'

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

Sisyphus replaces himself with a COVID-19 vaccine.

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

Female chemotherapy warrior.

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

'What's the diagnosis?' - '*Cough*' - 'It's not good, I'm afraid.' - 'Tell me. I have to know.' - 'You have man flu, Peel.' - 'Why, God? Why?!!' - 'I'm so sorry.' -

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'Nurse! With this chemo cocktail, get me some mixed nuts and pretzels!'

Desert island has bottle bank and paper bank. Castaway sees message in bottle float towards island.

Flo discovered that one perk of cancer is that people treat her like a queen.

Exercising in Confinement

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Well, put it this way - A semi-colon is better than a full stop."

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

"I don't remember a thing about going back to the pubs."

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

'Really?! You didn't get fired today, either?! That's 60 days in a row! I'm so proud of you!'