Cancer Survivor Gifts

Lance Armstrong.

"Our war is against cancer."

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

Barbeque Casualty.

Evil Exams!

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Time for your pills.'

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

Sisyphus replaces himself with a COVID-19 vaccine.

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

Female chemotherapy warrior.

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

'What's the diagnosis?' - '*Cough*' - 'It's not good, I'm afraid.' - 'Tell me. I have to know.' - 'You have man flu, Peel.' - 'Why, God? Why?!!' - 'I'm so sorry.' -

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'Nurse! With this chemo cocktail, get me some mixed nuts and pretzels!'

Desert island has bottle bank and paper bank. Castaway sees message in bottle float towards island.

Flo discovered that one perk of cancer is that people treat her like a queen.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

"The surgery went well. You'll be issued a 'Contains No Nuts' card upon discharge."

Exercising in Confinement

"Well, put it this way - A semi-colon is better than a full stop."

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

'Really?! You didn't get fired today, either?! That's 60 days in a row! I'm so proud of you!'

MD. Online cooking tutorials and too much time on my hands is a dangerous combination.

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

"I don't remember a thing about going back to the pubs."