Campaign Trail Trekker T-Shirts

"Success!! He lives again!" "Congrats. Now, how do you control him this time?"

"Slogan."

Biden Droppings.

Nature Lovers

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

'It's not my job to worry about the 47% of Americans who are irresponsible. Wait I didn't state that very elegantly. It's not my job to worry about the 47% of Americans who are irresponsible.'

Donald Trump

'Oh, we could reduce the deficit, but it'd just leave stretch marks.'

Cruz and Fiorina: DetesTED and DetestETTE

I'm a little disappointed -- I always thought the ultimate secret to the universe would rhyme.

"It's one mile as the crow flies, ten miles as the lost hiker bushwhacks."

"Hey. . . in use!"

'It's my job to teach you to grin like ike, and damnit, you will grin like ike!'

VOTE!, 'If elected, I'll sponsor legislation for a $10 billion study of Government hypocrisy!'

"Hi from the US Supreme Court conservative majority...we hope you're all enjoying this campaign season!"

Race to the presidency.

Campaign 2010.

Trumpelstiltskin: "I can spin straw into gold."

"Don't forget now. Don't knock 'those people in Washington' anymore. Those people in Washington are now you!!"

"The Blueberry Bagel, having triumphed on the East Coast, heads West."

Speed enforced by really slow walkers.

Independents still undecided.

'I got the idea from the parks department.'

"I'm running for congress to be a media celebrity. If you want a legislator, vote for a lobbyist!"

"He's good, but he's no Donald Trump."

Election to-do list

"So is there anything apart from us stopping being 'a bunch of cynical dishonest lying hypocrites' that would help us secure your vote?"

"How many homes do I own? Have you ever asked anybody else running for president that question?"

'Says here that if you meet a bear in the woods, never try to outrun it!'

"Say what you will about my family, but please respect my equity's privacy."

Obama's favorite potato chips.

'So...watching the democrat national convention made up your mind who you're voting for?'

"An appealing, fresh-faced moderate? BORING!"

Ken Livingstone

'If re-elected, I promise to do everything in my power to avoid prison!'