Campaign Guru Pillows

"I hope you're not planning to run for political office in the future."

To Stephen from Mabel

Now I'd like to depart from my prepared text and speak from the heart...

'Whatever happened to 'the house always wins'?'

"Good boy."

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

'If only every year was an election year.'

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Target your customer.

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

A close shave on the Titanic...

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

'The candidates campaign promises have been re-named campaign ideas to avoid lawsuits.'

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

"With great power comes great reward."

"Just being proactive."

Debating Society. I can accept that money is speech as long as we can agree that some spending is like yelling fire in a theater.

Political Issues

Patrick Hendy Rodham Clinton

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

'My problem is that I am an informed citizen.'

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"