Campaign Enthusiast Pillows

"I may be awhile. I'm soliciting funds for my reëlection campaign."

'My greatest asset is I'm so rich, I can't be bought by any interest group.'

'The press is calling you overconfident. Stop using ‘Hail To The Chief' as your ringtone.'

Will Legislate For Contributions

'The latest poll show 8% of voters like you, 12% don't like you and 80% don't remember who you are.'

With all the money being spent on TV ads, how is the average voter feeling about the political process?"

"We all know the Senator's position regarding term limits."

'There's a democracy in here somewhere...'

"Oh, my mother's learned a lot from this campaign. She sends me five robocalls a day."

'Not only have I never been a Congressman, but I've never even set foot in Washington!'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"Oh yeah? Well, I'm offering a 700 billion dollar tax cut AND a free tote bag!"

"If reelected, this time, I promise not to procrastinate for four years and then try to get all my governing done in one epic all-nighter."

Vote Henshaw for City Council and check out his handcrafted jewelry designs on Etsy.

"Thanks so much for stopping, but we're just waiting for the M10."

"He's our man. He's our guy. He lies less than those other guys!"

"Dad has promised that if he becomes President, we'll get a dog."

TRUMP

Mobsourcing

"Great stuff, but here's an idea: what if it's an old white man?"

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

Conservative Curate Talking to Bill Sticker

Core beliefs.

Truth - underwritten by corporate campaign donations.

'What an ugly little sprog!'

'Well, I see that Senator Zwecklos has found a loophole in the Campaign Finance law.'

Jumbo Paper Shredder

"The last thing that I intend to do is to stand here making a display of my patriotism."

'That pledge I made on the doorstep - I broke it.'

Romney Pep Talk

'Beef or seafood? Which is better for the nation?'

'Serving waffles at your fund-raisers sends the wrong message, Senator.'

Donna Brazille

'Obama is the 'Food Stamp President'.'

'Remember when the worry was over little swift boat attacks?'