Campaign Connoisseur Gifts

'It's really nice up here, but I miss all the negative political ads.'

VOTE, 'I'll never lie to you, but I'll use a lot of euphemisms!'

"I told you not to let on you hadn't decided who to vote for yet....!"

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

'Gotta hope he's as slow-moving as Newt.'

Finish Line.

"I can't wait to see our new ad campaign. Wait, don't tell me...it's NEW and IMPROVED!"

Nicola Sturgeon

Jam Judging: Bernie and Hillary

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Men gossiping

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Donald Trump Wearing Russian Flag Cape

This Virtual Campaign Is Even Less Exciting Than the Usual Virtual Campaign

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

White Wine Wisdom (2)

'Remember when the worry was over little swift boat attacks?'

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

Tony Blair

Creative department ?

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'Come on! A computer can't plead the fifth.'