Camera Phone User Gifts

'It's one of these new phones that takes photographs.'

Miserable selfie

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

Giraffe Selfie

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'Is this the new input device?'

Man Reading Laptop.

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

"I have an app for that."

Selfie World

"But, honestly, I've never been more serious."

"According to this tracking app, he's somewhere between Knick Knack and Paddy Whack."

'When I was told our new computer was going to be state of the art, no one mentioned it was state of the art in 1954.'

"Brat"

"Well, at least one of us passed the emoji eye exam..."

"Actually, I work for a newspaper, but people won't talk to me without it."

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

Two reporters interview each other.

"What sort of mood are you in, Michael?"

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."

Self checkout and 'selfie' check out at a store.

The director said 'cut'!

"Ever since I changed Siri to a male he's been forgetting birthdays and anniversaries."

'For the last time, this is NOT a public art event.'

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

Possible explanation for the tangled headphones

"...and don't fall for that trunk enlargement scam."

'Of course I just retweet everything I see - I'm a parrot.'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

"We love your desserts...they're the most photogenic in town!"

'He expects so much from me but his data is flawed.'

Your hands are cold...