Camera Clubber Pillows

'We'll look into it.'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Elephant ass selfie.

'That may be what the wine glossary says, but to me, terroir means a fantatic view.'

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

The Walk of Shame

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

"Do kids eat free?"

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

'Don't just stand there, get into focus!'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

After party at the spill club.

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'We took a look at our passport pictures and realized we need a vacation.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

"I don't know 'where I've been all of your life', but wherever it was, I wish I was there now!"

"Actually, I work for a newspaper, but people won't talk to me without it."

Gangsta wrap.

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

Club insecurity.

Gorgeous Groovers.

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

Two reporters interview each other.