Camera Clubber Pillows

'We'll look into it.'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Elephant ass selfie.

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

'That may be what the wine glossary says, but to me, terroir means a fantatic view.'

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"Don't worry about your hair, dear, I can fix it in post-production."

The Walk of Shame

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Do kids eat free?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'We took a look at our passport pictures and realized we need a vacation.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

After party at the spill club.

"I don't know 'where I've been all of your life', but wherever it was, I wish I was there now!"

'Don't just stand there, get into focus!'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

Gangsta wrap.

"Actually, I work for a newspaper, but people won't talk to me without it."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

That's weird - every time I call the self-help hotline, it goes straight to my voicemail.

Gorgeous Groovers.

His master's chill-out album

Man trying to take pictures of wild birds at feeder.

Club insecurity.

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."