Calorie Counter Chuckler Pillows

(Elephant on hammock)

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Secretive Weigh In.

All Natural Nothing

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'