Calorie Counter Chuckler Pillows

(Elephant on hammock)

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

All Natural Nothing

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Secretive Weigh In.

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'Diet considerations.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Dieting Motivation.

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.