Calorie Conqueror Pillows

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'This diet is killing me! -- Last night I dreamed that I ate Willy Wonka!'

'I'm putting you on the 'Don't eat so damn much' diet.'

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

"It's to help you stop the late-night snacking."

"Our computers are down, so I can't look it up. If I had to guess, I would say, yes, that is fattening."

'My feet are killing me.'

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

A Sticky Buns Bakery is positioned next to a gym.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

The trim reaper

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'Me? I took my cardio to the next level.'

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

Am Awful Crammer.

Well, what did you expect on the mother ship?

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"Let's take it again from the top...but this time with more fillings."

"The night raid on the kitchen bench was a disaster sir! The owner woke up, came downstairs for a glass of water and attacked us!"

"You know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men is gay."

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

A woman's work is never done!

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

A day in the life of a dish sink

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

Access Denied!

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

The Colonel at home.

'My, that's some cavity' (words echo on)

"Where's a fairy godmother when you need one?"