Calorie Conqueror T-Shirts

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'This diet is killing me! -- Last night I dreamed that I ate Willy Wonka!'

'I'm putting you on the 'Don't eat so damn much' diet.'

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

"Our computers are down, so I can't look it up. If I had to guess, I would say, yes, that is fattening."

'My feet are killing me.'

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

A Sticky Buns Bakery is positioned next to a gym.

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

The trim reaper

'Me? I took my cardio to the next level.'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

Am Awful Crammer.

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"Let's take it again from the top...but this time with more fillings."

"The night raid on the kitchen bench was a disaster sir! The owner woke up, came downstairs for a glass of water and attacked us!"

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"You know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men is gay."

A woman's work is never done!

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

Access Denied!

A day in the life of a dish sink

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

The Colonel at home.

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

"Touch that and you're a dead man."