Calm-seeker In Chaos T-Shirts

"Okay. . . so what's the bad news?"

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Fight or Flight

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"Make me one with everything!"

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

All we have in life is this moment...

When mediation failed, they tried meditation.

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

Wrestling Our Inner Demons

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

"It's good you feel ready to confront your demons. Unfortunately, they're reluctant to face you."

Muzak's Top 10

'It started out as meditation, but now it's quiet desperation!'

A Cat becomes the victim of a broken spring in an armchair.

'So, your anger management class is working?'

"And what if the assailant comes at you from inside your own head."

"Yeah, well, we've all got baggage."

'If only I could accept that I can't accept being someone who finds it hard to accept acceptance from those who accept me for the person that I can't accept I really am.'

"It's probably just stress, but let's take a look. Open up and say, ARGGGH!!!"

Gestalt Therapy: The first layer of neurosis is the game playing or phony layer, the second is the phobic or dissatisfaction with self layer,third is impasse,forth is the implosive layer and fifth is where the neurotic finally releases pent up feelings.

I love thunderstorms!

"Our computers will be down for an hour, so I advise everyone to hide under their desks. The last time it was total anarchy until we were back online."

'Why, thank you -- I made it out of a molehill.'

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

Boxing with yourself

"OK, have you found your ‘happy place’?"