Calm-seeker In Chaos Gifts

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Fight or Flight

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"Make me one with everything!"

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

All we have in life is this moment...

When mediation failed, they tried meditation.

Wrestling Our Inner Demons

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

"It's good you feel ready to confront your demons. Unfortunately, they're reluctant to face you."

Muzak's Top 10

'It started out as meditation, but now it's quiet desperation!'

"And what if the assailant comes at you from inside your own head."

'So, your anger management class is working?'

'If only I could accept that I can't accept being someone who finds it hard to accept acceptance from those who accept me for the person that I can't accept I really am.'

"It's probably just stress, but let's take a look. Open up and say, ARGGGH!!!"

Gestalt Therapy: The first layer of neurosis is the game playing or phony layer, the second is the phobic or dissatisfaction with self layer,third is impasse,forth is the implosive layer and fifth is where the neurotic finally releases pent up feelings.

I love thunderstorms!

"Our computers will be down for an hour, so I advise everyone to hide under their desks. The last time it was total anarchy until we were back online."

'Why, thank you -- I made it out of a molehill.'

Boxing with yourself

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

'No, I heard you snoring -- you just dreamed that you attained Nirvana.'