Calm Critiquer T-Shirts

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"You know, there are other emojis."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

Meditation

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Samuel Beckett

"You'll never believe who's here."

Seamus Heaney

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

The Algonquin Round Table