Calm Critiquer T-Shirts

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

Meditation

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

Need an elevated state of mind too!

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"You'll never believe who's here."

The Algonquin Round Table