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"Does this say 'Our Saviour', to you?"

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'My dentist recommended it.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

Mom's Mortuary

"You can come in. But don't try anything funny."

Evolution of Man

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

"It looks like fecal transplants may do us in."

"You forgot his tail."

"Yes, your work does speak to me and it's telling me you can't paint."

"The government wants an international economy... Bosses on N.Y. salaries and everyone else on Mumbai wages."

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

"Our house wine is abominable."

The Slips of Capitalism

'Well that's just great...you ate the kids and spoiled your dinner!'

My first rodeo

Two kids caught playing dots & boxes on a Damien Hirst painting, spelling the word 'so-so'.

Expensive Bird Feeder

"Pretty sure that braid came from a crafts store."

'They always off the mom.'

"Are these beautiful? I can't ever tell?"

'Alternative medicine enhancer'.

'She thinks I'm full of hot air.'

Let Yourself Go Cafe

"I didn't know Don Quixote was a republican."